I do a double take, and yes, it’s still there!
I sort of, want to write a humours blog, about my “journey” into the world of Inflammatory Breast Cancer, from where I left behind my lovely life without one thing in it that was off centre of a normal human family. I love my ex-husband and his partner, I love my three kids all grown up and very wonderful good solid people. I’m so proud of them! I love their partners too and I know they love me back. Then there is the most wonderful woman in my whole world for twenty years, my love, my rock, my friend, my Mrs Fix It, and proud to say, my Mrs. We found each other in a deaf gay BSL signing class in the Fox in Lower Essex Street in Birmingham’s busiest gay night life.
Yes, everyone has many books in their life, and that book precedes this current journey about Inflammatory Breast Cancer with a one way ticket.
This is what is helping me. I feel aggrieved that I was the matriarch of my life, the oldest women in my little family. I’m not particularly bright, but I’m inquisitive, I’m not at all beautiful, but I’m quirky, a little off center I would say. But what I have always felt is that I have an immense amount of love in my heart that is endless, there for anyone who wants to tap into it for any reason. I am the matriarch, not to be upstaged, because this is my rightful place and I’m proud of it. But that has changed, because I have been upstaged by Inflammatory Breast Cancer it is now part of me, in me, in my life, in my relationships, in my famlies lives, it changes everything about my life, and those nearest and dearest. And so now, I hate.
Cancer has come and taken host of MY body. How bloody dare it. When I think of it in me, I feel an all consuming hate, and I hate that intense feeling. That’s why I’m not able to write about it in a funny way, even though I laugh about it, does that make any sense?
I am really sound, emotionally even though I’m a very different person to who I was four months ago. And I do laugh lots, especially with my family. I love them for making me laugh about the FECking-T I’m having the baldness and it is very funny. The same with my friends who are supportive beyond belief, l love them making me laugh as well. But when I write there so many, many faceted sides to this subject, it becomes something more of a challenge to laugh it off and I want to do something about it instead.
I was going to say that I don’t know where I’m going with this, but that’s not true. I know where I’m going, I just don’t know how to get there yet. I don’t yet know the path that will lead me there. Where I hear you say, if I haven’t bored you to death.
I want to somehow get all of the information for IBC in one place. I now have this website that I can just about manage, my friend Will Brown hosts that for me. I want people with this disease to use it as a pathway, to where they can get proper support, like Inflammatory Breast Cancer Network UK. I have a need to raise awareness, for sufferers and professionals because there is so little that is known about it. Yes I hear you, how can you do that? Well that is part of the journey I don’t know about yet. But I know I will, with a little help from my friends.
I don’t want to raise money, although if I did it would put it into Inflammatory Breast Cancer Network UK who have really helped to keep me grounded.
If you have IBC yourself, I can give you a contact so that you can join. It is a closed network, you can email me Audrey firstname.lastname@example.org